Fisting Lube Etiquette & Practices

Preface

Sex is often best when messy, unorchestrated, and natural. After all, we are fist pigs! However, you should always get ongoing consent regarding all aspects of fisting. A skilled fister easily integrates this activity seamlessly into the session in order not to kill the mood.

Generally Accepted Behavior

There are a handful of rules governing lube during a session. As noted in the preface, there is some leeway here within these rules. Sex by the numbers is boring, restrictive, and a boner killer. However, implementing these rules need not hamper your session if done correctly:

  • Assume nothing!
  • Avoid sharing lube!
  • Keep it contained!
  • Use lube generously!
  • Bring your own!

Rule #1: Assume Nothing

Rule & Explanation

Do not assume anything about your fisting partner and play date.

This rule encompasses so many things. For example:

  • If you’ve seen him taking elbows, don’t assume he wants, or can take yours.
  • If you’ve seen him getting bred, don’t assume he takes all loads.
  • If he says he’s not into PNP or HNH, don’t assume it’s true.

The list goes on and on. When it gets to assumptions about lube, assume nothing. This includes whether he shares lube, what kind of lube works for him, and if he’s okay with abandoning lube protocols and going with the moment.

Seamless Implementation

In almost every session*, you have an opportunity to chat before the hand disappears into the hole. Integrate into your sexual banter basic lube talk.

“Should I bring my own lube?” is a simple text message that opens the door for understanding his protocols that won’t impede with the carnality of sex later on. If he says ‘No’, he’s likely not a stickler for lube rules. If you follow the general lube etiquette, you will need to make it clear before you start playing.

It’s a little ironic that a set of assumptions can be made by following a rule that insists on not making assumptions. To prevent any awkwardness, some additional questions are okay when starting out: ‘Did you have your own lube?’ ‘Which lube is yours?’ ‘My lube has clove and benzocaine cream in it, is that okay?’

*These things may not be possible at very large and very noisy fisting parties where it’s impossible to chat prior to play.

Rule #2: Avoid Sharing Lube

Rule & Explanation

To prevent harm to the bottom, do not share lube.

There are two reasons for this rule.

First and foremost, is the effort to prevent the spread of hepatitis, HPV, and herpes. Two of these diseases have no cure, and the other can be deadly and expensive to treat and manage. The nature of fisting lube often means that these organisms have an easier pathway of transmission.

Second, a bottom may be allergic to certain lubes or lube additives. I personally am allergic to polyethylene oxide (the base of J, K, and X-lubes), clove, and silicon. Clove burns my ass and closes my hole. PEO gives me hives, and silicon triggers swelling and cessation of bowel movements for two days.

Seamless Implementation

Provide your own lube and hand it over to the top at the beginning of your session. Nonchalantly express that your hole is particular to your own recipe and that you’ll get better results if you stick to your own lube.

If topping, ask ‘where’s your lube?’ If he doesn’t have his own, it can get awkward if there was no pre-planning involved. It may be a teachable moment while you split your lube into a disposable water bottle prior to playing. Hosts can clearly address this issue by including BYOL on invites or having a separate toxic bottle with no additives for sharing with those who came unprepared.

It’s not uncommon to see solid lubes and cream lubes made from lipids or mineral oils (Crisco, Aqueous Cream, etc.) at group play events. Clean hands and individual cups prevent contamination.

Rule #3: Keep it Contained

Rule & Explanation

Restrict lube to the play area, the lube container, and the desired hole.

This rule covers a three different problems: cleanliness, sanitation, and cross-contamination.

As mentioned previously, every bottom should have his own lube in his own container, including solid lubes. This prevents contamination and spread of bacteria, fungus, and microorganisms that cause disease, including STIs. Double-dipping is nasty–not only in sharing chips and salsa–but with a lube container.

For those who don’t speak English as their primary language, double-dipping is the act of dipping your food into a dip, taking a bite from it, then re-dipping again into the same (usually shared) container.

Cleanliness refers to respecting your host or others at an event. A big reason why future invites are not extended is that those fisting got lube everywhere. The doors, the walls, the windows, the floors, the ceilings, the mailbox, etc.

Finally, keeping it contained means washing your hands before a session, between bottoms, and after touching contaminated surfaces.

Seamless Implementation

Appropriate use of rags, paper towels, newspapers, and self-awareness can keep the mess down. And even though it may be impossible not to touch the poles or chains on slings, wipe up after yourself.

Since clean-up occurs at the end of a session, it doesn’t kill the mood to be considerate and pick up after yourself.

If you are sixty-nining, chariot fisting, pancake fisting (holes stacked on top of each other), or mixed breeding, caution has been thrown to the wind. Sharing lube and cross-contaminating holes is no longer a concern.

Rule #4: Use Lube Generously

Rule & Explanation

Prevent injury and discomfort by using copious amounts of lube.

For established tops and bottoms, this is a no brainer, but for virgin tops and novice tops, it bears repeating: you can rarely over-lubricate. Use the entire bottle as most lube is discarded after the session ends.

Seamless Implementation

The more lube, the piggier it gets. If a bottom asks for more lube, you have failed as a top.

Rule #5: Bring Your Own

Rule & Explanation

Don’t be a freeloader. Eliminate contamination. Use lube that won’t adversely affect one’s hole.

Bottoms should provide their own lube for safety reasons and consideration of costs to others. Contamination by sharing and elimination of allergens have already been discussed previously in this article. Chemical additives such as cannabis oil, benzocaine, or even illicit drugs for dubious can make their way into lubes, especially those not prepared by the bottom.

Seamless Implementation

Depending on your lube, time frame, and relationship with your play partner, have lube pre-mixed and ready to go in advance. If that isn’t possible, mix as soon as possible and use the time that it takes to set up to relax, chat, eliminate assumptions, and perform other carnal acts of depravity.

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