Fisting Lube Etiquette & Practices

Preface

Sex is often best when messy, unorchestrated, and natural. After all, we are fist pigs! However, you should always get ongoing consent regarding all aspects of fisting. A skilled fister easily integrates this activity seamlessly into the session in order not to kill the mood.

Generally Accepted Behavior

There are a handful of rules governing lube during a session. As noted in the preface, there is some leeway here within these rules. Sex by the numbers is boring, restrictive, and a boner killer. However, implementing these rules need not hamper your session if done correctly:

  • Assume nothing!
  • Avoid sharing lube!
  • Keep it contained!
  • Use lube generously!
  • Bring your own!

Rule #1: Assume Nothing

Rule & Explanation

Do not assume anything about your fisting partner and play date.

This rule encompasses so many things. For example:

  • If you’ve seen him taking elbows, don’t assume he wants, or can take yours.
  • If you’ve seen him getting bred, don’t assume he takes all loads.
  • If he says he’s not into PNP or HNH, don’t assume it’s true.

The list goes on and on. When it gets to assumptions about lube, assume nothing. This includes whether he shares lube, what kind of lube works for him, and if he’s okay with abandoning lube protocols and going with the moment.

Seamless Implementation

In almost every session*, you have an opportunity to chat before the hand disappears into the hole. Integrate into your sexual banter basic lube talk.

“Should I bring my own lube?” is a simple text message that opens the door for understanding his protocols that won’t impede with the carnality of sex later on. If he says ‘No’, he’s likely not a stickler for lube rules. If you follow the general lube etiquette, you will need to make it clear before you start playing.

It’s a little ironic that a set of assumptions can be made by following a rule that insists on not making assumptions. To prevent any awkwardness, some additional questions are okay when starting out: ‘Did you have your own lube?’ ‘Which lube is yours?’ ‘My lube has clove and benzocaine cream in it, is that okay?’

*These things may not be possible at very large and very noisy fisting parties where it’s impossible to chat prior to play.

Rule #2: Avoid Sharing Lube

Rule & Explanation

To prevent harm to the bottom, do not share lube.

There are two reasons for this rule.

First and foremost, is the effort to prevent the spread of hepatitis, HPV, and herpes. Two of these diseases have no cure, and the other can be deadly and expensive to treat and manage. The nature of fisting lube often means that these organisms have an easier pathway of transmission.

Second, a bottom may be allergic to certain lubes or lube additives. I personally am allergic to polyethylene oxide (the base of J, K, and X-lubes), clove, and silicon. Clove burns my ass and closes my hole. PEO gives me hives, and silicon triggers swelling and cessation of bowel movements for two days.

Seamless Implementation

Provide your own lube and hand it over to the top at the beginning of your session. Nonchalantly express that your hole is particular to your own recipe and that you’ll get better results if you stick to your own lube.

If topping, ask ‘where’s your lube?’ If he doesn’t have his own, it can get awkward if there was no pre-planning involved. It may be a teachable moment while you split your lube into a disposable water bottle prior to playing. Hosts can clearly address this issue by including BYOL on invites or having a separate toxic bottle with no additives for sharing with those who came unprepared.

It’s not uncommon to see solid lubes and cream lubes made from lipids or mineral oils (Crisco, Aqueous Cream, etc.) at group play events. Clean hands and individual cups prevent contamination.

Rule #3: Keep it Contained

Rule & Explanation

Restrict lube to the play area, the lube container, and the desired hole.

This rule covers a three different problems: cleanliness, sanitation, and cross-contamination.

As mentioned previously, every bottom should have his own lube in his own container, including solid lubes. This prevents contamination and spread of bacteria, fungus, and microorganisms that cause disease, including STIs. Double-dipping is nasty–not only in sharing chips and salsa–but with a lube container.

For those who don’t speak English as their primary language, double-dipping is the act of dipping your food into a dip, taking a bite from it, then re-dipping again into the same (usually shared) container.

Cleanliness refers to respecting your host or others at an event. A big reason why future invites are not extended is that those fisting got lube everywhere. The doors, the walls, the windows, the floors, the ceilings, the mailbox, etc.

Finally, keeping it contained means washing your hands before a session, between bottoms, and after touching contaminated surfaces.

Seamless Implementation

Appropriate use of rags, paper towels, newspapers, and self-awareness can keep the mess down. And even though it may be impossible not to touch the poles or chains on slings, wipe up after yourself.

Since clean-up occurs at the end of a session, it doesn’t kill the mood to be considerate and pick up after yourself.

If you are sixty-nining, chariot fisting, pancake fisting (holes stacked on top of each other), or mixed breeding, caution has been thrown to the wind. Sharing lube and cross-contaminating holes is no longer a concern.

Rule #4: Use Lube Generously

Rule & Explanation

Prevent injury and discomfort by using copious amounts of lube.

For established tops and bottoms, this is a no brainer, but for virgin tops and novice tops, it bears repeating: you can rarely over-lubricate. Use the entire bottle as most lube is discarded after the session ends.

Seamless Implementation

The more lube, the piggier it gets. If a bottom asks for more lube, you have failed as a top.

Rule #5: Bring Your Own

Rule & Explanation

Don’t be a freeloader. Eliminate contamination. Use lube that won’t adversely affect one’s hole.

Bottoms should provide their own lube for safety reasons and consideration of costs to others. Contamination by sharing and elimination of allergens have already been discussed previously in this article. Chemical additives such as cannabis oil, benzocaine, or even illicit drugs for dubious can make their way into lubes, especially those not prepared by the bottom.

Seamless Implementation

Depending on your lube, time frame, and relationship with your play partner, have lube pre-mixed and ready to go in advance. If that isn’t possible, mix as soon as possible and use the time that it takes to set up to relax, chat, eliminate assumptions, and perform other carnal acts of depravity.

Training Suggestions: Gape Development

A novice associate asks:

My hole tightens up as soon as a guy pulls out his fist. Any toy recommendations or tips to loosen up my hole?

SG | Member Post | FFister.com Facebook Group

Without further background information regarding SG, several assumptions were made in regards to the advice provided. These include the following:

  • Novice to moderate level abilities (the individual has taken fists at least a dozen times, if not more).
  • Budget, location, and relationship dynamics are not limiting factors on play or toy purchases.
  • The individual understands general fisting techniques and standards, including the appropriate application of lube.
  • Chems are not a factor and due to the frequency of play in the suggested advice, are strongly disadvised.

Tailored Response

There are several things to consider in response to this inquiry:

  • Genetics, Physical Limitations, and Natural Ability
  • Conditioning through Various Types of Play
  • Selection of the Appropriate Toys

Genetics, Physical Limitations, and Natural Ability

Part of this ability (to gape or remain open) is genetic, and part of this ability is conditioning. After completing the exercises and routines below for an extended period of time, you may discover that your hole just isn’t that type of hole.

Furthermore, there could be contributing factors to the closing up of a hole. For instance, I am allergic to clove, crisco, silicon, and PEO (the active ingredient in J-Lube, K-Lube, X-Lube, and Fist Lube). After a limited amount of play, it histaminic reaction occurs and my anal canal swells shut.

Previous injuries in the anal canal, such as fistulas, fissures, and piles could also contribute to your nervous system shutting down access to your hole.

If you have eliminated those physiological and anatomical factors, then it’s a matter of conditioning.

There are potentially five ways that may or may not work for you based on your genetics and extenuating circumstances. I will list them in the order to try:

Conditioning through Various Types of Play

You may want to integrate all five of the following strategies into your conditioning routines:

Routine #1: Conditioning the Rectum with Large Dildos

This process assumes that the pressure sensors above and below the third transverse fold of the rectum, specifically called Kohlrausch’s valve, are sending signals to your involuntary, Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) to expel or retain rectal contents.

Playing with larger and longer dildos desensitizes the parasympathetic system controlling the sphincters and voluntary muscles of the pelvic girdle. Based on experience level, you may have to start small and work up to larger dildos. The ideal dildo for this activity should be between 20 and 25 cm long (8 to 10 inches) and moderately smaller than the width of the fattest part of your hand–at least 19 cm in circumference (7.5 inches). Daily play that involves fucking yourself to the base with this dildo will modify the fold and affect how your brain processes signals in the upper rectum.

Note that it takes about a week of every-other-day toy play to move up a quarter of an inch in girth.

Routine #2: Developing Stamina with Large Plug Endurance Activities

After you have conditioned the deeper section of the rectum with large dildos, you can condition the lower rectum and anal canal. This is accomplished by conditioning your anal canal and rectal ampulla to comfortably retain large masses (such as a fist) without triggering expulsion.

Plugs used in this activity should be between 15 and 18 cm (6 to 7 inches) and start at a circumference of 20 cm (8 inches).

Insert the plug. Initially, it should cause some discomfort due to size–if no discomfort is felt, move to a larger size. Keep the plug in your hole three minutes, using poppers if needed. Once you keep it there without poppers for that duration, increase the time inside your hole to 5 minutes, then 7 minutes, and finally 15 minutes. After successfully keeping the plug in for 15 minutes without poppers, increase the size of the plug by 1 cm (1/2 inch) and start again at three minutes.

Routine #3: Discovering Triggers and Documenting Road Maps with a Top

Congratulations on graduating to play with an actual human. Now it is time to unlock your secrets and discover fisting activities that trigger opening and gape.

Your Top should play around with entry procedures. He will need to vary the angle of entry or even the type of movement (such as a gradual twist) in order to determine what makes your hole relaxed and happy. This activity focuses on the voluntary muscles of the first ring (the levator ani and the external sphincter). Apart from conditioning them to accept paws readily, his work should determine the easiest way to open your hole. Document his findings in your personal roadmap to share with others in the future.

Routine #4: Punching to Exhaustion

Sometimes, just fatiguing the muscle (wearing it out) to complete exhaustion will cause it to relax and stay open. This should not be alarming, as the body has a built-in reflex that causes muscle relaxation in order to prevent injury. This reflex doesn’t typically occur in the hole because its natural state is always tonic (contracted or tight) except during defecation. Moderation is important though. A wrecked hole is a sign from your body to take it easy and allow some recovery.

Routine #5: Popping Repeatedly with Specialized Toys

Since daily or every-other-day play partners are not common, you can replicate punching by pummeling your hole with your specialized dildos and plugs for at least 15 minutes a day (or to your first anal orgasm–whichever comes first). ‘Popping’ refers to inserting the plug and extracting it immediately–causing a pop.

Dildos without bulbs (or knots) are inappropriate for this activity, as you are intentionally stressing the voluntary muscles of the first ring. A cylindrical object such as a cock, a dildo, or feces do not trigger the appropriate stress level. As with Routines #1 and #2, you will need to gradually increase the size of your popping toy.

Avoiding Injury

As a reminder, like any workout, you should always start with a warmup set using a warmup toy to prevent injury.

Selection of Appropriate Toys

Toy selection is a very personal and by nature opinionated process. There are some basic principles in toy selection and I’ll cover those basic minimally and leave detailed explanations of these principles to another post:

  • Budget. Novice fisters who aren’t committed to a life of fisting may want to stick with cheaper toys until they determine if fisting is right for them. My go to vendor during this stage of development was www.dearlady.com.
  • Health. Anything other than silicon is cancerous and toxic over time. If it burns, discard it. To understand toy safety without any sugar-coating, I always refer to www.dangerouslilly.com.
  • Sampling/Sharing. I typically won’t buy a toy unless a friend recommends it and allows me take his on a test run. Toy swaps at fisting events such as FistFest Weekends and Regur’s Rose Bowl are very helpful.
  • Shapes. For novice fisters, I typically suggest avoid hand-shaped dildos. Scott from Squarepeg Toys goes further and doesn’t recomend phallic dildos for fisting training. I personally like some of the slender dicks dildos for initial fisting training.

Plug Recommendations

I’ve always been opposed to pyramid-shaped plugs, although HungerFF has indicated that his initial ass training involved the AssMaster or AssServant from Doc Johnson. Keep in mind he started back when good, silicone options were not available. Some guys like the brutality of this toy set–due to cancer and firmness, it’s not for me.

In a recent toy share, I became a big fan of the GAPE KEEPER and GRIP from www.toppedtoys.com. The soft nature of these toys provides a pop without micro-tearing (assuming you are sizing your toys correctly).

Squarepeg offers the EGG as long as you start with the XL. They also have the ACORN (which is great for long-term wear) and the Splitter which challenges most guys. I personally use the SPLITTER XXXL to do the training exercises above, but I’ve been taking doubles for many years–so it’s the only toy that challenges me.

Dildo Recommendations

For upper rectal training, I suggest reading the Fisting Primer at www.squarepegtoys.com. Scott and Brue are invaluable resources and their learning center is top tier. Like I mentioned previously, Scott and I disagree on phallic like toys for fisting training, but that disagreement is likely due to my ignorance and preferences. His toys are designed to not cause injury.

In the Squarepeg line, I really like largest MEL, DIRK, and LEO toys. I also like the LONGNECK and STAMEN (which also works for Popping exercises). For the routines mentioned above, do not get the SLINK. It is a nice toy, but not effective in the conditioning exercises mentioned above.

From Hankey’s Toys, almost any phallic toy will do. You will need to choose the 75% Soft firmness, and you probably should start with medium to large size toys depending on your your skill level. Even though it is no longer a challenge, I use the CAN-OPENER almost daily. Its taper is awesome and its girth at the base is larger than a fist. I’ve also got some super hot stories about joint training sessions with this toy.

My final dildo recommendation is the toy that initiated me into extreme anal play. I played with this toy for almost two years before I even thought about fisting and still use it regularly. It is made by Doc Johnson, and it is not available in silicon, so I replace it every other year. I like it that much. It is the John Holmes. It is ideal for almost any beginner or pro alike.

Ring Poppers Recommendations

Since I don’t do a lot of ring pop play with my hole, this is the weakest area I have for recommendations. There are toys from previously mentioned vendors (such as Squarepeg’s ACORN and STAMEN) that are helpful for this. I’m certain they have many other ring popping toys. GRIP from Topped Toys is also good in this area.

My Go To is again from Doc Johnson, and requires replacement every other year. The TANGO from their American Bombshell line has three bulbs that cause me to piss when used in a certain manner. It is a good replicator of punch fisting.

Atypical Advice For Those Starting to Take Fists

Those new to fisting often seek advice for newbies on one of the forums online (Facebook or Asspig). To me, the most common advice provided is useless:

Breathe and use lots of lube!

Lubrication

Let’s start with the lube. While ‘lots of lube!’ is somewhat helpful, it doesn’t really provide the details necessary for those new to the sport. Most lubes on the market are not suitable for fisting. New guys don’t inherently know this and often attempt fisting with traditional water-based glycerine lubes (like Wet, Astroglide, etc.) or silicone lube.

My advice for lubrication is to seek out a versatile fister for your first few experiences and politely ask if he would be willing to provide the lube for your a few sessions until you figure out which lube is best for you. Note that this should be temporary. Sharing lube, or relying on others for lube, goes against most health protocols and fisting etiquette (see On the Road Again (Travel)); however, most guys are willing to help a new guy out for his first two or three sessions.

The additional advantage of hooking up with a versatile fister for your first few experiences is that your partner will know exactly what ‘copious amounts of lube’ means and will make sure your hole is properly saturated.

Breathing

Your autonomic nervous system controls your natural breathing. You will breathe regardless of what your partner tells you. I’ve never seen any actual examples–nor heard of any anecdotes–of bottoms passing out due to lack of breath when fisting. The nearly ubiquitous advice given ‘to breathe’ is due to the awkward respiration patterns immediately after a fist pops into your hole.

I often compare this breathing advice to another piece of pointless advice:

Don’t think of Pink Elephants.

Once you’ve been told to not think of pink elephants, you will. What was not a problem is now a problem. Once you’ve been told to breathe, you will attempt to regulate a system that will self-regulate. Your forced efforts can hamper that regulation and make fisting more difficult because your breathing is forcing your body out of its homeostatic desires.

What your partner is really trying to say is ‘relax and center yourself’.

Focus on meditation instead. Think about your body and focus on the signals you are receiving from your brain.

On a final note, if you are hyperventilating (which is rare), breathe slower and deeper. If you are holding your breath, meditate.

Other Tips for First Fists

These are the pieces of advice I provide:

  1. Start practicing yoga. It will teach you how to meditate.
  2. Start a meditation practice daily for 5 to 10 minutes. When fisting, borrow that skill.
  3. Stretch your hole daily in the shower using the Big Ben method for a month straight.
  4. Forget about what you see in porn. There is no market for fisting titles such as ‘Meditate Through It’ and ‘Homeostatic Fisting’ – that shit is boring. Once you’ve mastered the basics, then you can try to imitate what you see in porn.